thehealingjournal.com: June- July 2007 - Inspirations – Magic Doorways: TRUE SELF-WORTH, by Devrah Laval

Have you ever experienced periods of your life in which, for no apparent reason, you just don’t feel worthy? Perhaps your sense of unworthiness takes the form of doubt, guilt, a feeling of incompleteness, or maybe even sadness. Traces of such feelings often lurk beneath the surface of day-to-day life.

If you are a positive, proactive kind of person, you may try to change these troublesome feelings by getting a new hairdo, buying a new car, taking a course, or going into therapy. Or maybe you attend transformational workshops, where you learn great teachings and techniques and come away feeling higher and more alive than you have in a long time. Or perhaps you start using positive affirmations or visualization techniques that may produce changes in your outer life.

All of these undertakings are wonderful and can be quite helpful. But often their benefits are short-lived. Our resolve to continue them fades as we slip back into self-doubt – a lingering feeling that we are not really good enough despite all of our efforts. Some might attribute such persistent feelings to a deprived childhood, “bad karma,” or indulging in too many negative thoughts.

I remember watching the baptism of a baby when I was a child. I asked my mom, “Why do they put water on the baby’s head?” and she replied, “So it will be cleansed of its original sin. We are all born unworthy and with sin.” Even then I thought, “How could a beautiful little baby be sinful and unworthy?” The memory of this never left me.

For years, I thought that such beliefs were just part of my Catholic upbringing. However, years later while I was studying East Indian scriptures, I came across the concept of “Mala,” which, I was surprised to discover, is very similar to the Catholic notion of original sin. In this belief system, human beings are limited by three Malas, which are like coverings over the soul. “Anava” is the original Mala, which gives rise to the other two – Mayiya Mala, which creates a sense of duality and Karma Mala, which makes us act from ego. Anava Mala maintains that we are separate from God and are therefore incomplete and unworthy.

It’s as if we have been implanted with unworthiness in order to remain separate from the Love that exists within all of us. So we strive to attain this Love from the external and illusory things of the world, only to come up empty in the end. I recently read about a study of women who look at images in fashion magazines. The study revealed that 99% of these women judge themselves and feel unworthy. I am sure that men are similarly triggered by corresponding messages, as are people in our culture who seem “to have it all.” Why is our sense of worthiness so fragile? Why is our true worth so hard to access?

Meister Eckhart, a great 14th century Christian mystic, wrote: “God expects but one thing of you and that is that you should come out of yourself in so far as you are a created being; and let God be God in you.”

To “let God be God in you,” requires deep humility and trust. When we are in a state of humility, we know that we are a part of something much greater than our ego self; but when we are experiencing unworthiness, we are identifying with our ego alone. For so long, we have derived our identity exclusively from our body, mind and senses. Deep down, we are haunted by a sense of impermanence, especially as we age. With such a limited identity we can’t help but feel unworthy.

True worth and true permanence arise from identifying not with our external form or circumstances but with the Creator of all things. The only way out of the illusion of unworthiness is to dive into our deepest Self, into the pool of Love that is our true birthright. It is time for us all to be baptized again with the waters of our True Nature, which has never been impure or lacking.

The movie, Eragon, in which Eragon, a farm boy, has been chosen to be a Dragon Rider and save the Kingdom, departs from most fantasy adventure films in which victory comes from an external source. In this case, Eragon journeys within to find the Divine sense of worthiness, which gives him the necessary strength to emerge victorious.

Not unlike Eragon, we are all actors in our own movie. We have all been given a great gift that can help us in every situation. This gift is our human life, which is filled to the brim with Love. As in every movie, there are obstacles that make our story interesting. Our antagonists are those people or events that try to make us forget that we are beings of light and love. As heroes or heroines of our own movie, we can dig deeply within ourselves to find that strength and power that is always there for us. Then, when the darkness of doubt and unworthiness arises, we will be able to declare, “No! I am worthy because I am part of God.”

Let this declaration of worthiness be your magical mantra. Repeat it any time that you feel the shroud of negativity or limitation arising and watch the illusion dissolve. Be the hero of your own movie. Know your own greatness. Pour the water of renewal and remembrance on yourself and on everyone and everything in your world. Let God be God in you.

Devrah Laval is the author of The Magic Doorway into the Divine. Please address any comments or questions to: devrahlaval@telus.net or visit www.themagicdoorway.com

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